**Things I Wish I Could Take Back: The Epic Saga of a Virus, a Ball, and a Very Unwelcome Window**
If I had a dollar for every moment I wish I could erase, I’d be a millionaire. But some moments are so wild, so cringe-worthy, so downright hilarious in hindsight, that they become legendary stories in our family. This is one of those tales—starring a virus, a fancy ROTC ball, and a very dramatic exit that could rival any Hollywood comedy or horror film.
It all started innocently enough. My daughter and I had battled a nasty virus—a cruel imposter that made us wish we could stay in bed forever. We had a big day planned: a college visit for my daughter, the excitement of new beginnings. But let’s just say the virus had other plans. We had the virus days before the visit so we were on the mend.
The day of our visit we started our trip off just like any other trip - a biscuit. My husband was munching on his and then I hear "I'm not feeling well" immediately raising an eyebrow. He didn't look too bad at first, but then he didn't finish his biscuit, and that raised another eyebrow. The closer we got to the college the greener he becomes. During the two hour ride he kept repeating one phrase "I'm going down hill" which sent red flags. By the time we arrived at the college, my poor husband felt like a train ran over him not once, but a couple of times. He was at the beginning of his own personal apocalypse.
Despite this, what do we do? The trip had already been planned. We did not want to disappoint our daughter. So, we kept going. He would just sit in the car.
Fast forward to an ROTC ball—fancy attire, glittering decorations, and the smell of gourmet food in the air.
While sitting in the car, the rumble of his stomach hits him suddenly—it won’t let up, and he knows he’s got to make his way inside quickly to find a restroom. I watched him walk away, feeling a mixture of concern and the hope that he’d just come out looking a little pale. Instead, he was gone longer than expected. That’s when I saw him stumbling back, looking like he’d just escaped from a horror movie set.
He was making his way past a group of well-dressed gentlemen, probably headed to a fancy table with sparkling glasses and gleaming silverware, when suddenly, he did an unexpected U-turn. He veered off toward the restroom—a pristine, marble-floored sanctuary with elegant gold fixtures and a faint scent of lavender air freshener. The restroom doors swung open to reveal a row of shiny sinks, perfectly folded hand towels, and a mirror that reflected the chaos about to unfold. Those poor cadets—they had to witness it not once, not twice, not even three times, but so many times that they started making way as the green haze followed him around.
As he sits in the car waiting with a pale face and a look of sheer embarrassment, he hesitates, but he knows he needs to find a quiet, hidden place where nobody will see him—some secret corner where he can “disappear.” His tummy rumbles again, and he can’t face those poor cadets again. So, he slips out of the car, tiptoes to the side of the beautiful log cabin, and carefully looks around to make sure no one is watching or can see him. He finds a tree nearby and, on all fours, desperately begs God: Please take this poison from my body.
Feeling fairly confident he’s hidden from view, he finally lets out a sigh of relief—and then, in a moment straight out of a comedy, he looks up… and sees a window. Through that window, he spots a group of well-dressed, smiling people enjoying what looks like a fabulous ROTC ball, complete with fancy dresses, tuxedos, and twinkling lights.
In that instant, he realizes he’s just made his grand, humiliating exit right in front of a glass window filled with strangers. With a small, sheepish wave—probably trying to say, “I’m not feeling so great, folks”—he quickly ducks down, struggling to get back to the car, and crawls into the seat.
Relief washes over us as our daughter finishes up with her visit and we prepare to head home.
That whole night felt like a bizarre comedy special, and that wave? Well, it’s a moment we’ll never forget.
We finally made it back home and crawled into the house, exhausted, embarrassed, and praying that the virus—and the window—would just disappear. We weren’t even thinking about college acceptance anymore.
If you must know she did get accepted. How? Honestly, I don’t know. Someone had to feel sorry for us.
Now, when I think about that night, I can’t help but laugh. It was like a scene from a comedy-horror hybrid movie—and I’m pretty sure it could win awards for “Most Embarrassing Family Moment.”
So, what do I wish I could take back? Honestly, I’d love to erase the window moment for those poor people, not knowing it was there. But I also wouldn’t trade the memory for the world. Because sometimes, life’s messiest moments make the best stories—and the funniest memories.
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